last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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