Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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