I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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