Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
