just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
