If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
