tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
