Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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