He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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