i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
