I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
