He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
