he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
