Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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