and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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