Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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