Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
