We're facebook friends in real life
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
