My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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