I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
