I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
