Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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