just come out here and I will go home with you...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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