so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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