i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
