spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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