My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
