You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
