that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I believe in your delicious
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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