its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
