you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they need to just BURY HIM!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
