I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
