youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm having to shit out rocks
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