i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
