some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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