If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
