my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
