he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
