i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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