i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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