just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
