I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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