He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
