It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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