Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
