If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
