Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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