My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
