got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
