Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
