I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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