I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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