i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
