It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't deserve a penis
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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