Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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