just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
