I think I won the penis lottery.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
