I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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