...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
