Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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