I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
