drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
