just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
