i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
